Which is worse, the slutty-costumes-for-girls trend, or elaborate costumes for pets?

How about a trend that combines both? Cass has alerted me to the existence of Matching Costumes For Dogs, in which "sexy" women's costumes are paired with "sexy" costumes for their pets.

There are so many things wrong with this. For starters:

1. Dogs are not sexy. Dogs in revealing clothing are extra not-sexy.
   
   
2. Even if dogs were sexy, chihuahuas would not be sexy.
   
   
3. Even if chihuahuas were super-sexy… still, incredibly sad, embarrassed-looking chihuahuas would not be sexy. Almost all the dogs on this page of costumes look like they're thinking WHY IN GOD'S NAME DO YOU HATE ME I JUST WANT TO BE LOOOOOOOOVED
   
   
4. Even if sad, embarrassed-looking chihuahuas were sexy, they would not look sexy shoved into an ill-fitting, cheap costume next to a girl in the same thing who fills it out better. It's like cramming five bridesmaids of radically different heights, shapes, and builds into the exact same dress — some of them are going to look bad, and it's going to make the dress look bad too. Actually, the wrinkled little dog in the wrinkled little costume makes the girl look worse, too. And isn't there a little sense there of the bride who deliberately puts her bridesmaids in ugly dresses so they won't outshine her? Walking around in slut-gear with a dog dressed in the same slut-gear seems a little desperate, like saying "Okay, maybe I don't really have the figure for this micro-skirt, but at least I look hotter than a chihuahua!"
   
   
5. See #1. Dogs? NOT SEXY.
   
   
6. For god's sake, if you're going to be lame enough to force your poor sad dog into a costume that "matches" yours, at least create a theme rather than just both wearing the same thing. No one likes showing up to the parade in the same costume as someone else. If you're going to be Slutty Alice, don't dress your dog up as Slutty Alice #2, dress him up as the Mad Hatter or the White Rabbit or the Cheshire Cat. If you must be a Slutty Cheerleader, turn your dog into the quarterback you're no doubt sleeping with. If you must be a Slutty — what the hell is that blue thing with all the tulle, anyway? Little Bo Peep, I guess — then why wouldn't you dress your dog up as the sheep?

Actually, what cracks me up most about this site is that there are a whole bunch of not-match-oriented costumes for dogs… and they're broken down by gender. Yes, there are costumes for female dogs (bride, princess, "hula girl," "hausfrau") and male dogs (pimp, cowboy, fireman, astronaut). Because EVEN DOGS need regressive sexual stereotyping.

So why not just cut to the chase and put the dog in a pimp costume and you in a whore costume? At least that way the dog can retain some dignity. And that purple hat is STYLIN'.