So today, we posted one of the most entertaining A.V. Club interviews I've ever read. And of course no one on the site is reading it. Which isn't surprising, since it's a couple of people no one's ever heard of, who were, 30 years ago, in a film that mostly disappeared and that practically no one has ever heard of. And yet I wish there was a place on our site where we could just out-and-out say "Read this, you fools. It will satisfy all the cravings you didn't know you had for lucid descriptions of what it's like trying to bash out a low-level TV/Hollywood career, stories about making movies on a shoestring, and extensive, explosive profanity."

Apparently the interviewer, Austin city editor Sean O'Neal, went out to a bar with them and taped them talking for three hours and drinking him under the table. This was my favorite part, but it's all like this:

The A.V. Club: Lou, what made you decide you were done with acting?

Lou Perryman: My political beliefs. My spiritual beliefs. It's all trash. And Chuck Norris, I'd flush that cocksucker down the toilet. What a pussy motherfucker. What a fucking cunt. He's a pussy! Fuck Chuck Norris. I regret being in any of that goddamn Walker, Texas Ranger shit. Motherfucker couldn't act his way out of a rubber. Jesus, he's fucking terrible. People buy that as a Texas Ranger? A guy that's 5'5"? For God's fucking sake. And so much of it is just tawdry. Part of it, too, is my depressive mentality, and being frustrated. I thought I had plenty to offer. I went through the grandiosity of believing I was really good—and I was good at times.

Sonny Carl Davis: Were and still are, Lou.

LP: Thank you. But you just look back at some of the shit you did and you go, "Man, I wanted a role in that?" Currently, I'm hurting over that sheriff role I didn't get in No Country For Old Men.

SCD: I auditioned for the storekeeper, where he flips the coin? You know, we met the Coen brothers at the Dallas Film Festival.

LP: I didn't know that.

SCD: We went to that reception, and those two guys came up to me like, "You were in Fast Times At Ridgemont High!" And I was like, "Who the fuck are these two geeks? Get the fuck away from me."

LP: Where was this?

SCD: It was the reception. I don't know where you were.

LP: I was probably shacked up with somebody. See, I'm suffering now over why I didn't get that. I thought I was really, really right for that goddamn role. There are just so many frustrations with wanting a thing and not getting it, and then seeing it go to a friend of the director. I went on Red Headed Stranger and auditioned for Bill Wittliff, and Bill said, "Man, that was a real good read, but I gotta tell ya, you're up against Willie [Nelson]'s drummer." Well he can kiss my ass.

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And it's ALL like this. They talk about fist-fighting with their drunken director at a party, and opening beer bottles with guns, and the movie one of them is writing for the two of them ("I show up to find you after some years, and we gotta do something bad, and you say, 'Don't we need guns for this?' And I say, 'We're gunned up.' That's as far as it's gotten.") And on and on and on. I just really want to grab everyone who reads the site and say "Look at this! Stop clicking on the Heath Ledger update over and over, and come read this interview!"

Bah. Pussy motherfucker readers. Clearly they all need to be flushed down a toilet with Chuck Norris.

I'm-a feelin': enthralled